went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
