I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
