I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
