Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
