I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
