I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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