Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
