So drunk its hurt
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
