you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
