My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
