As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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