So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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