Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
