chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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