Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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