There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
