I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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