After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
