I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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