Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
