Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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