You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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