FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
