i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
