my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
