i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
