Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
