You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
