Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
