I cannot find my penis.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
