No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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