So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
