Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
