Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
