She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
