I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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