We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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