Whoa Z and x make the same sound
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
