i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
