I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just gift wrapped bread.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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