Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
