Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
