We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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