Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
