my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
