i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
