ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
