what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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