my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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