do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
