I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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