Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
